Dementia is a cognitive disorder that causes loss of the ability to think and reason clearly. It’s a slow and progressive illness that has no return, no way back. By the time you show the first signs of the disease, the process has been happening for a long time.
You slowly forget where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with. You feel vulnerable, you fall in depression. You feel confused, you get anxious. You lose track of time and space. You get caught in memories that may or may not have happened. You lose track of reality. You forget who you are, who you were, the ones you loved. You lose your freedom, you lose yourself. You become a sad reminder of what you were.
My grandmother suffered from dementia for almost seven years and finally died of pneumonia on December 21 2012. During those years I heard her say “I want to die” day after day, saw her suffering in an endless delirium until the end of her days.
Nowadays it makes think about life and death, about how we people cling to our lives and the lives of those we love. How, no matter what happens, what state we are in, we always look for survival. Theirs, ours. And at the end, I just wonder, we do it for them or we do it for ourselves? Sometimes I just think, it’s best, to let go.